Who am I?
In simple terms, my name is Nina Groll, a recent graduate of the University of Michigan's Minor in Writing program.
But more personally...
I always thought that I would go to Hogwarts.
Unfortunately, two rude awakenings in my life have brought me to the conclusion that, outside of the faux-Hogwarts facade in Orlando, Florida, I will never attend the school. The first is obvious – Hogwarts is not real. The second is that even if Hogwarts were real, JKR has revealed herself to be a TERF-y loser to the point that it certainly would be an awful experience, and I would not have any magical adventures and instead spend my time in a completely blind rage.
Still, these things do not negate the fact that for most of my childhood I operated under the assumption that I would one day exhibit signs of magic and be spirited away to a magical world in which I could cast spells and keep a sentient pink puffball for a pet (AKA a “Pygmy Puff”, for those informed). I was an imaginative child who read the books before I was able to discern what was and wasn’t reality, and the character of Hermione Granger called to me so strongly that I couldn’t figure out where she ended and I began. I kept my Gryffindor robes ready-to-go on the back of my closet door and my wand tucked safely in my nightstand (or sometimes under my pillow, if I felt particularly strongly about my letter coming that night).
All this is to say that while some grew up in their family’s chosen “Church”, I was in the Church of Harry Potter. The books that I obsessively re-read were biblical to me, and I studied them ferociously in order to prepare myself for the day I would be taken across the pond to my new life.
There were some advantages to this. My attachment to Hermione Granger resulted in pristine grades and a regimented study schedule. I also got a lot of clout on the playground by telling everyone my mom was a wizard, though this ended up coming to bite me when everyone stopped believing in magic.
One night, when my imaginations were borderline unacceptable for my age, my mom came into my bedroom. Seeing the worn copy of Order of the Phoenix in my hands, she asked me what section of the library you could find it in. I placed my book down, sighing. “Fiction,”
She sat down next to me, preparing for a nuclear-level meltdown. I simply smiled and said, “but people write fiction books about real stuff that happened all the time!”
Clearly, I was not ready to give up on my owl.
I did eventually pack up my house memorabilia, though it was more of a slow return to reality than a sudden shift. My 11th birthday came without event, and instead of an owl I scheduled my middle school classes. All that remains of my childhood obsession is a Hermione Granger doll that sits on my desk and a screen-accurate Quidditch sweater that I will never admit to owning.
So what draws me most to the “Snapewives” is that I know what it feels like to wish for something to rescue you from the mundanity of life.
I think that is something a lot of people can relate to, the feeling of needing to escape into another world, even though the form that it takes can be different: video games, books, the thrill of a sports match, etcetera. But when someone takes it too far, the form suddenly starts to matter. It’s fine when someone devotes an entire room in their house to a sports team, but it’s “cringe” when someone runs a fan blog (curious minds can see my Gateway project, a defense of the “fangirl”, here). But then it’s fine if that fan blog stays within certain parameters and subject materials.
I propose that it is not really about what you are seeking to escape to. Rather, it is about the cultural perception of the person doing that seeking. Yet it is that oppressive culture that is driving the individual into escape. Sometimes I wonder if me wanting to be a wizard was really all that different from Will P. wanting to be the President.
Here I am!
And here I am again, in my true form.
Special Thanks To...
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Shelley Manis & her section of Writing 420!
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Prof. Celia Schultz for her direction in the ancient research portion of this piece
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Joshua Moore for cheering me on and being more excited about this project than anyone else
More Questions?
I would be happy to chat with you!
Contact me at nmgroll@umich.edu for further discussion.
